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Submitted on
July 15, 2012
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The fog rolled in early.  It was thick, like a woolen blanket pulled over the sleepy town’s collective heads, and like a woolen blanket in the deadest heat of August, you couldn’t see six inches through it.  The town wasn’t ready. 

Becky was the first to venture outside her house.  She heard a sound like a lead pipe dragged along the street.  Skrrrrt.  Skrrrrt.  Skrrrrt.  Or maybe it was screaming Becky heard.  She opened her door and stepped into the heady rolls of moisture.  Breathed it in.  She felt it blacken her lungs and when she coughed, dry ash caked lips wet with blood and thick, woolen fog.

Skrrrrt.  Skrrrrt.  Sw-thsqwnk.

Over and over, the pipe swooshed through the fog.   Sw-sqwnk.  Sw-sqwnk.  Becky heard a sound like screaming in the distance.  It was far away, somewhere in the fog, somewhere in the sleepy town that wasn’t ready for fog in the deadest heat of August.  Sw-sqwnk.  Sw-kchnk.

Skrrrrt.  Skrrrrt.  Becky heard a sound like a lead pipe dragged along the street.  Or maybe it was screaming.

Inspired by the MMO The Secret World.
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:iconlalita17:
It reminds me of when I was in kindergarten, this is kind of random:
My best friend and I would do the spider on the swing and tell the same horror stories over and over. I still remember her's, (she was so good at it) she would add the noise, thunk. thunk. thunk. and you just knew one of those thunks the girl was going to die. It's so great because making noises in horror stories is so cliché that it's really funny, but it really works, it can scare the pants off you :D the anticipation of waiting to find out what the thunks and noises mean.
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:iconiceofwolf:
iceofwolf Aug 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's awesome that this story could bring back such a memory. :aww: I agree that making noises in spoken horror stories can get cliche. I think what your friend did is ideal. The mood-setting noises like thunk and the sound of metal scraping across pavement can really help to set the atmosphere, while the sudden screamy noises are fun, but generally less frightening than fear that's built up over time.
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:iconlalita17:
That's really thrilling :D
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:iconxgame-over:
Interesting, not sure if its what you intended but, I got a creepy vibe from this, a fear of the unknown or something like it. I liked your descriptions, they really helped deliver what I felt was a creepy tone.^^
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:iconiceofwolf:
iceofwolf Jul 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yep, I was definitely going for creepy vibes here. Thank you, and thank you for the fave. :aww:
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:iconcheezstickluv:
Real short, but real catchy. Interesting! :iconclapplz:
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:iconiceofwolf:
iceofwolf Jul 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! And thanks for adding it to your favorites. :aww:
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:iconedabass:
Bah, meant to comment sooner, sorry.

What makes this work is that Becky's place in the story is VERY unclear. Is she witness, victim...or perpetrator? The ambiguity elevates it, IMO.
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:iconiceofwolf:
iceofwolf Jul 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad it worked to good effect, then. :aww:
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:iconsungryphon:
SunGryphon Jul 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Interesting!
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